Balance and Change

I know I haven't posted on here in a long time.  Some changes have occurred in my life to where this place that I used to come to think just has not been as much of a habit.  Whether that's out of lack of necessity or lack of time I couldn't tell you, however this morning I find myself in need of a place to put some pressing thoughts, I need my mind to be in other places, so I will take a moment to bring this issue to written word and so put my mind at rest about it for the time being. 

With that said, I have found balance in my life over the years.  In the past I have balanced my life with three important relationships and seven things that I love.  These seven things are things that keep my mind clear and stable, they keep me grounded and relaxed, the relationships also contribute to this, but they are more of an exchange where I both pour in and take out.  That last statement could require a whole separate post to explain, but I'm limited on time this morning so I'll get straight to the point.

The three relationships of the past were my savior, my family and my few closest friends.  Recently those have narrowed in importance from groups of people to singular people and evolved in nature.  Now my most important relationships are my savior, my bride, and the third spot is reserved for a time.  Not to say that the rest of my family and my friends are not still important, but they do not carry the weight that they once did.

As for the seven things that I love.  They include the river, mountains, coffee, tobacco, beer, wine, and food.  I love these things, I am passionate about all of them in multiple and unique ways from the others, they bring me certain enjoyment from life and when one is absent I feel it.  Well two of them have dropped off in importance greatly for health reasons, and two are often inaccessible.  That brings me to the last three, one will never leave me, but if I do not balance it's importance it would be a problem.  

The last two that in this season have been perhaps too much of a focus for lack of the others, have come into conflict with one of my three relationships.  I have harbored bitterness that I know I should not because of this interference and also tried denial, but the time has come when I may have to replace them with something else.  I have enjoyed them for so long that it just seems like I'm letting go of a best friend.  I am putting this down here because I need to affirm to myself, the choice is clear, the priority is clear, but just to say, it is a thing that I will lament the loss of greatly.  The sands seem to be shifting greatly in my life in these areas that normally would give me stability and in every other area as well it seems.  Perhaps this is my Savior trying to show me that I don't need three and seven, but just one...  time will tell.  That's all for now, but more thoughts on this soon.  Time to crawl out of my own head and turn my focus to an important task.

Learning From Paul

What have I done for the cause of Christ

That I have not done more for myself?

My highest Highs and lowest lows

Do they themselves point towards him?

Or am I living only within my hedonist self?

I speak of balance, but what is the beam?

The problem I see is that the word of God

Often merely haunts my dreams

I want feet from my fears

And to feel the pain from my blessings

That is the life

Of those who truly follow Christ

If I give my only credence

To my selfish desires

My life, my offering...

Can never produce Christ's holy fires

Surrender is sweet, and God is on high

So much better the pains

Than in death where we lie

Salty

I don’t know if you’d be with me
All I know is when I’m with you I feel salty
I’d really like if you’d be with me
Don’t know if it’d end in tragedy
But I know it would be one good story
You make me feel like life in the sea
I can’t imagine sinking when you’re with me
Only because I feel so crazy, savory, salty
You make me happy
An I know there are some things you don’t like
All I have to say is I’d go to the moon for you
So those things are just the least I could do
Just to know I’d share a time with you
As I’ve learned to be salt and light
I’ve seen that flavor in some strangers
Never behind the eyes of one quite like you
The words you say, you make me laugh
You make me a better man
By thought, by talk, by proximity
The way you make me feel, let’s go be salty
Like two people should be
Happy, you and me

Burning Free

Every person wants something
Fill that hole in me
We all want this something
Oh Lord save me
From this hole… in my chest

Gonna see your body is burning
Like Abrahams Son’s
Gonna see your soul is yearning
For the Holy one

Come on people lets go
To the mountain top
Come on people we’re climbing
Now we can’t stop
Let’s go… let’s go

Gonna see your body is burning
Like Abrahams Son’s
Gonna see your soul is yearning
For the Holy one

There’s a feeling, a feeling
welling up in me
I can feel it, I feel
It’s gonna set me free
Free to be, free to be

Gonna see your body is burning
Like Abrahams Son’s
Gonna see your soul is yearning
For the Holy one

I thought, I thought
I would feel the pain
Now my whole life
Will wash away with the rain
But now I see,
You’ve set me free

No paying by the flame
There’s no acid in the rain
Only a tree soaked in blood
That price… is paid by the son

Intrepid Dancers

Intrepid dancers
Move to the music
The hands they meet
The inclinations guide
And the man leads a woman
But he needs her to know him
He needs her to know him
She thinks he’s crazy
He knows she’s everything
He ever wanted
A man can’t dance without a woman
And he loves to dance
Oh how he loves to dance
He’s seen the world
Though it’s inside her heart
He wants to hide
She makes his soul swirl inside
And he’d die to know
Where her heart lie
Only she
Can make him forever fly
And so only they
Know what love lie
Between their hips
Just as feet turn
And hands fly
And when it ends
The fingers cry
To clutch such depths again
A couple dancers
Life can’t pry
Without each other
They’d surely die

Landing

I sipped my slightly diluted coffee that came as the providence of whatever airline I was now travelling with, and let out a light sigh. What an odd dream, it seemed so real. I guess I’m not in college anymore; apparently I was mile high courtesy of Air France, I thought as a looked down at the napkin underneath my cup. What was I doing here? I looked up and realized the stewardess was handing out customs cards. I received mine and was informed via the Captain’s intercom that we would shortly be landing in London.
Beginning to fill it out, I realized that the card required an address of destination. This raised a new question, where was I going? This didn’t really seem all that important to me, but I knew I didn’t want to be deported so I had to come up with something. “Think, Jack… Think.” I tapped on the pull down tray for a moment as I pondered my options. What did I have on me? I pulled out my wallet. I found several hundred British pound notes, some fifties and a couple of twenties… Why so much cash? I removed the cash, I’d be a sitting duck for a pickpocket I thought, as I separated it and put it in my two front pockets and some in my sock, placing a single fifty back in my wallet.
Okay so my little problem was still not solved, where was I going? I had a drivers license, from Virginia, I pulled it out, hmm, organ donor, interesting, not too useful… bingo! A few business cards behind it, this could be the ticket I needed. What do we have?
The first was my own card, didn’t say what business, just my name, my cell number and the address to an apartment in Alexandria. I must work from home, rings a bell, although I still can’t remember what the heck it is I do, but it’s good to remember where I’m from. I placed that card aside with my license.
What else to we have, a card from a publishing house in London, there was an address and the name of a man, Nick R. Laudman. That’s right I’m a writer, my blogs full of poetry and adventures bumming around the US had been gaining readership and this guy wanted to meet me to discuss some ideas and possibly offer me a contract.
I quickly placed the card adjacent to the customs form and used this gem to fill in the details chuckling to myself; I’m probably supposed to meet with this man when I land. I’m not going to meet with anyone, at least not yet. I think I’ll have a night out, plenty of money to work with, if I was careful I could get on for a few days with absolutely no problems, I’m in London, why not go see what adventure the city had to offer.
I had never been to Europe or the UK, if this was going to be my first time it wasn’t going to be a dry meeting with some bore from a publishing house. I determined not to pick up my luggage, to avoid a potential run in with whoever was supposed to meet me at the airport. Yes, I thought to myself, for some reason I still can’t remember much, but I think I’ll take a couple of days and we will see what the streets of London have to offer while I ponder my purpose here.

Honey From the Hive and a Choice Made in Time

Vital signs, the pulse prances on
Like a sailors song, life rolls along
A man must believe
In such a happiness as he might conceive
If he wants to contrive
Of the sweet sweet honey
That comes from the hive
A sweet drool, a slow drip
Must ignore the crack of the wicked whip
All the evil that sand might supply
Only the power to wash away time
The coal man goes on with a happy hand
Mapping his woes on the banjo’s strands
Sorrow finds even the best of man
Will it beset his life’s trended stand?
A woman may work by the river all her days
Never even see the beauty in its winding ways
At one time black and white seemed brand new
The truth is grey is a timeless hue
Once the lively colors drain away
What days do your screens defend?
Will the wonder out way the wallow?
Do we live like we are alive?
Is our happiness too hard to swallow?
On through our numbered days
Beyond grey we must strive
Though a moment may be seeping with sorrow
Similar to a sandwich at the general store
Happiness is a choice made to order
True happiness is wrapped in time.
Do you believe in the honey?
Is that steady drip still alive?